I don’t know where to ask, so I figure why not here? Why is it so hard to tell people about things in life that have sucked?
Giving good news is easy.
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Hello Diner. Being in the food service and fortune-telling industry for over a hundred years, we Fortune Cookies have seen many innovative ways other restaurants serving clairvoyant meals have advertised themselves: daily lunch special horoscopes, tea interval tea leaf readings, and the ever-popular barbecue and pyromancy combo deal.
But in those hundred years, these establishments never bragged about how patrons got upset stomachs from their lunch or walked into (sometimes literal) pitfalls following bad advice on the way home. Potential customers would lose their appetites for both. Quite simply, how well our Diners like us is literally our livelihood.
In your case, you humans also look for ways to be accepted and be in good standing with your community. It’s all part of being a social species. The currency is intangibles like friendship, caring, and affection, but your emotional livelihood still depends on how well you’re liked.
Not surprisingly, you would believe that you would have to be the “best” person you can be to be liked. Whatever the “best” means in reality. Those bad moments remind you of times you weren’t your “best”–even if those circumstances weren’t your fault. It still means you’re flawed.
Because of that, you’ve learned throughout your life to avoid talking about those moments to stay likeable–to keep those important few from rejecting you. Please understand that this might not be true or logical; it’s just something you’ve developed into a fear over time. In your mind (true or not), discussing those bad things might put these relationships at risk. So you trained yourself to avoid them–like staying away from a cliff without asking why it’s a good idea. You just reacted to protect yourself.
So, Diner, it’s hard to tell people about things in life that have sucked for almost the exact opposite reason avoiding a cliff is a very easy thing to do. You just don’t want to get hurt. But, how do you make it less hard?
Do it slowly, opening up to people who have earned your trust. The things you learned dealing with your past problems may help others going through similar situations now, but they are yours to tell when you want. You can also seek out a therapist, who have your interests in mind and who are professionally obligated to keep your personal life private. Finding another perspective would help you process those moments differently.
You took the first step in trusting us Fortune Cookies with at least the struggle you’re facing in opening up about the bad parts of your life. Just remember: no rush, but challenge yourself to risk being seen as flawed. You’ll discover that people will like this version of you a lot more. Good luck, Diner.